Originally Posted by
Jenny1232 
Thank you for the information, isitme. Where can I locate the book, "women who love psychopaths?"
Actually, the scary part of all this to me is my behavior for as long as I can remember. I may be experiencing everything you mentioned, just through a crappy childhood. I've been in and out of psychiatrists, therapists, treatment center, etc for what seems like FOREVER... probably age 14-15 are when the signs really started appearing. I've been told I display bi-polar, depression, mood disorder, etc. None of that really matters though. I just know how I feel, and I do not approve.
I do know my last relationship really did me in.. but in a weird turn of events, I'm stronger now than I have ever been. Since I have sought out serious help, and recognized my own issues, I feel less insane too. I have my mental breakdowns, but I feel like I have a rational side to me for once.. Does that make sense?
(((Jenny)))
This makes real sense to me. I think i can hear ,in what you say, that you are getting in touch with your feelings. I wonder, if your family did not express things, could it be that you are breaking out of that prison that they existed in?
I dont think that it is crazy, to be hurt by someone and to miss the other person, who was not good to you, but who did profess to love and need you. I think that makes total sense. it just is sad, but I have done that too. it is not weird.
perhaps you are judging yourself as weird, but you dont realize that most people feel so many of the same things. your family did not let you learn this, maybe?
you are far too hard on yourself, for things that are not weird, but are part of being human. we are complex, and lots of times we dont make a lot of sense,but learning to deal with our mistakes and faults is part of growing.
hopefully we all can do that. but it is not easy, and especially if, like in my family, you dont learn how to feel or even how to know what you feel.
i am hoping that you can feel that you are not so different, just maybe you are blown away by the things that others may have an easier time to accept. no one is perfect, and you dont have to be.
you are not bad, or weird, or nutty, i just hope that you see how important taking care of yourself is right now. be gentle with yourself. you are beautiful as you are , and you are right where God wants you to be. it must be hard to have all these feelings of negativity. breathe....
when you said that you went off on this new guy, i wondered if he was just not right for you, and you just had to reach a boiling point before you could express what you felt. not everyone is going to be the right one- it may take a while before you meet the one who is good for you. and taking care of you is the most important thing in the world. you have a lot of anger to deall with and that is ok- it should come out and be resolved and understood.
i hope that i am not too far off, and that i have not over stepped a boundary by sharing what i feel you are saying. i may be all wrong.
you gotta love you, and take care of you- we care!!
hugs, chicory