Jenny, girl you know I love ya' so you know you're not alone. You know what you need to do and when you're ready, you will. Your job is to just keep breathing. And find that ONE thing that keeps you looking forward, keeps you looking toward tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.
What really helps me is to have a plan for my life. And to make plans. Just get a piece of paper and start writing down years and dates and things you'd like to do by those dates. Make short term plans and long term plans. Dream of places you've never been. Know what I like to do? Go to the library and get DK books. No, not Donkey Kong books, Dorling Kindersley place / travel books. They have loads of pictures that just make you want to visit those places.
Also, don't diagnose yourself. I tend to do that too, google psych diagnoses and think they're ALL me. That sure gets me thinking I am surely NUTS. Remember, you're probably not those things and only a dr can diagnose mental illnesses.
Give yourself a break. Remember, it's winter and winter brings on depression. So take care of yourself. I take vitamin D in the winter.
(((hugs))) Jenny