Originally Posted by
daughter333 
Hi Thumper,
It's a tricky one that I feel conflicted about. He's aware that I'm uncomfortable (at best) with him drinking, so he may not even try. He's usually a wine drinker but I know he sometimes keeps a bottle of something harder in his suitcase when he travels -- (a backup plan?) As much as I'm just flat out uncomfortable with my dad drinking, my guess is he'll come prepared.
My husband and I are social drinkers, so I don't want to say that we don't allow it in the house -- it's not true. In this case I'm leaning towards not making it an issue until/unless it becomes one. If I tell him in advance that I'm not taking him on liquor store runs it's kind of like I'm encouraging him to bring something -- right? Whereas if I say nothing until it comes up it's more like I'm setting a boundary...
Your discomfort probably is not going to make any difference. I think you are smart to think about this ahead of time. To get clear in your head what you are looking for.
Boundaries are to protect yourself. To keep your life safe and serene.
If you put an alcoholic in a house without enough alcohol and they have no way to get it, you are going to have an issue. If you want your holiday to be peaceful, I personally think you need to be upfront, and not wait until he is sitting in your house to share your boundary.
Lets play this out....
Why are you not taking him to the liquor store? (I'm not really clear on it but that doesn't mean you aren't!)
A: Is it because you simply do not want to participate in facilitating his drinking? You tell him in advance and he brings his own and/or finds another way to the liquor store. He drinks as usual at your house. How do you feel? You tell him when he arrives and he either walks to the store and drinks as usual - maybe he's a little mad at this point - or he drinks every drop of alcohol in your house. How do you feel? Or he is going to have to manage/ration/detox which has a high risk of unpleasant side effects. How is this going to make you feel?
B: Is it because you do not want him drinking around you? If this is what you are trying to get, I think you'll have to be more direct and state it up front, because that is going to take some planning. Your boundary will not change the fact that he is an alcoholic. The boundary can change what you allow in your life and in your home but it isn't going to change him. If he drinks every single day, he is going to drink every single day at your house, or he is going to suffer side effects. If this is your real desire, there are options (he doesn't come, he gets a motel so he doesn't drink at your house but has his own free time to do as he wishes, he stays for only one day, he says he won't drink but does anyway) but they will need figuring out.