Hey SkyLight,
I'm brand new to this site. My husband is a meth addict; I so foolishly ignored all the signs - I knew nothing about drugs. I threw him out three days ago and it hurts SO much - I know what you mean... I keep thinking of him, how wonderful he was before meth. At this point I even miss the casual user of meth. He has been a heavy user for a year, and an absolute BEAR to live with. I kicked him out earlier this year upon discovery of the drugs, and that is when I educated myself on meth. But I was still stupid. He cleaned up his act for a little bit before I let him move back in. Because he blew his second chance, we are done permanently. I can't live like this anymore. I wish to god this never happened to me. Or him. My world is turned upside down. I'm shellshocked.
Yesterday I was wondering if I'd ever feel happiness again.
Today is better. I cried less.
I have this deep ache inside when I think about loving an addict. I think it's the painful longing for him to change SO, SO badly.
You're going to learn from this experience. You'll be stronger. And the next guy in your life hopefully won't put you through this!