It's been a long time since I have updated so I thought I would drop in and give the good news to my SR family that Dakota is THREE YEARS OFF TREATMENT!!! She will have scans now instead of every three months it will be every six for two more years and then will go to every year. She is doing great! All the nerve damage from the chemo seems that it was temporary and now she has reflexes back in her legs. She is in first grade and doing well. She would much rather stay home with mommy then go to school because she misses me and school is too long LOL
Elijah and Savanna are doing great too. All the kids are in school for the whole day now so I do get some time to myself. It is nice. I've been working and taking care of the family now for 18 months without my addicted ex and I am in such a great place .. a "God" place if you will
I never imagined that I could take care of all my kids, pay all my bills, and maintain the household without help, but God made a way. Though I don't do it alone. I have the Lords help. He has blessed me beyond measure.
Times have been rough here and there, but I always come out smelling like a rose.
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to not have to deal with the stress that comes with loving and living with an addict/alcoholic. For those of you that have been there and are in recovery you already know. For those of you still in the situation spend much time dreaming and wishing to know.
Here comes the part where I encourage you to focus on your recovery and leave the addict to him/herself. I know your biggest fear is the what ifs and that the addict will die without your help. The truth is the active addict is dying slowly with or without you. You can't save him, but you can save yourself and your sanity.
Picture your addict inside a train with you on the outside looking in. You know the train is headed for destruction and you raise your voice to tell the addict get off. The addict sees you, but cannot hear you. The wheels start moving in motion and you pick up the pace. You're heart starts racing and you begin to yell "get off the train" the addict still just looks at you blankly ... now your running along side the train screaming "get off the train" and the addict throws his hands in the air and mouths What? I can't hear you. I'm on the train.
If you find yourself running along side the train frantically screaming at your addicted loved one then you need to stop right here in your tracks and get on the right path to your own recovery. Where you are focused on what you can do for you not what you can't do for the addict.
Addiction is a thief and it will not only rob the addict, but it will steal all you've got if you let it. Don't let it. Fight for your right to live the kind of live you desire. So far you've been fighting against yourself. Being your own biggest enemy. But if you pull yourself together and find out all you can about enabling, codependent behavior, detaching with love, recovery for yourself. You will find the light at the end of the tunnel. It is there ... you just have to walk toward it
Now SR Aunties and Uncles just what you've been waiting for ... this was taken on the 28th of this month.
Elijah, Savanna, Dakota
Muah,
Passion Recovering addict/alcoholic
Recovering codependent/enabler