Sorry, I didn't have the time to read through all the responses - so sorry if this has been already said.
Originally Posted by
Redheadsusie 
I am detaching from my AH who has lost his job and continues to drink and smoke- although he denies the pot. Is it standard for them to lash out ten fold at you ? According to him I am the biggest B, I am ugly- I am fat- I am not all that I think I am. I am a bad wife.... my kids are aholes- I think am entitled to a great life - provided by him- I make 3 times what he does by the way. I am ungrateful - you name it - I am it~ Oh - and no man in their right mind would put up with me. My gut tells me this is pretty standard and in his twisted mind I will not leave him as I will think I am worthless. It is messing with my self esteem but I know how sick he is so I am trying to ignore it. I am the cause of his whole life being f'ed up. Shame on Me.
My SRAH's behavior was exactly the same when I started to detach. It got so bad in the last 3 or so months before I left that, I think not one day went by when I didn't have to listen to his negative remarks (name calling, and just general put downs). I realized that all of this was just BS and like you, I tried to ignore it and not let it get to me. And I thought I was doing pretty good at not letting it get to me, only after I left did I realize how much it had affected my self-esteem - I'm still now struggling to rebuild my self-esteem and confidence and if I hear someone call someone else a bitch it makes me cringe now. Just thought I'd share my experience. You deserve much more and I hope that, if you're not ready to leave yet, you are able to put up a clear boundary where you will not accept those types of behaviors from ANYONE.
I wish you all the best and BIG HUGS to you!!!