SkyLight

Thank you all so much. It's been so difficult trying to let him go. My head knows it's right and good for me, but my heart won't let me stop thinking about him. I still love him so much, but am starting to remember who I was before he ever came along. I'm pretty sure I loved myself more at one point. It's just gotten so hard to even remember who I was before all of this craziness with with his addiction, and now it's a little depressing to think of the years it feels like I've wasted with him.

He says my time was not wasted and I had a huge impact upon his life. However, I have learned that since I've left, he's fallen much deeper into his addiction than he ever did while I was still around. This new woman, his "roommate", has no idea. She apparently told his mother that he may be bipolar. Sure, a crack-induced state of bipolar disorder maybe. He and I are speaking again, and he is super happy and excited one minute and then a couple of hours later calls and is all depressed. When I ask him if everything is alright or point out the fact that he seems really down, he has to go RIGHT AWAY. It makes me so sad knowing what he's doing to himself. Today, he told me there was a small fire at his house. Apparently, his pants spontaneously combusted. This finally gives meaning to the old saying "liar liar pants on fire" to me. When I insisted that spontaneous combustion was a myth, and fires must be started by something, he tried telling me that he had a lighter in the pocket of one of his pants and the sun must have heated it up. Hm.. whatever.

He's so terrific when he's sane. I just don't get it. I never will. I just pray that one day he gets help and gets better. I will keep him & all of you who have gone through horrible experiences, and all of you who are fighting your own battles to change in my prayers. This forum is a God-send... truly.