I lived with my XABF when I first started recovery. He was in full blown alcohol addiction and was smoking pot as well. I am not sure when the pot started and I only figured out what he was also using just before we separated.
As soon as I began detaching from him and working my own recovery in earnest, he began to emotionally thrash like a caught fish. He tried everything from sweetness to rage, compliments to venomous finger pointing. Over the course of those last 7 months, I saw it all.
I thank my recovery tools and my HP for giving me the strength to detach with compassion. I could see his response was that of sick man losing grip on the command he thought he had over his life. I did not pity him so much as I accepted him. Pity to me would mean he had no choice when his addiction was in fact of his own choosing.
For me, what you are experiencing is expected. You've been his addiction's support system and when that support begins to give, the addiction rages in all directions. Detachment is healthy. Keeping your focus on your safety and health and your emotions in check takes practice.
Gather your own supporters here, at Al-Anon, with friends who understand, wherever you can find it. You may no longer be holding your addict up, but you will need your own pillars of strength if his behavior still affects you. Sometimes a quick pep talk from an understanding set of ears is all you need to stay on track.
Best wishes,
Alice