Originally Posted by
CatWings 
I have a question. It's a very general question, but I was wondering if you think that deep down inside all addicts wish they were not addicted to x,y,and/or z?
Or do you think a lot of addicts delude themselves in thinking they don't have an addiction, so they never feel this way - like they have a monkey on their backs?
In my case, I've always been aware of any addiction and have always felt bad about it. I grew up in an alcoholic home, so maybe this is part of it. I don't know. But on a deep level, I've never wanted to wanted to depend on any mood-altering substance.
Thanks for your thoughts
My thoughts are that all addicts sooner or later feel their addiction coming back to bite them if they survive the simple reality that addicts die from the progress of the process of their addictions killing them. Dying is not a warm fuzzy, and so that experience speaks for itself, as we addicts all know first hand, if we look deep enough at ourselves. At some point the addict is doing drugs against their will, otherwise they are not addicts by definition.
Monkey on my back? Sure, when I was high and able to score again and again, then just feeding the monkey was the thing to do. Being in denial about my life slipping away and my death while being high and drunk was something which i simply looked past uncaring and was just only what it was: pure total insanity.
Being alive is what it is all about for all persons goes without saying. Dying and being dead from whatever is not where it is at for anybody addict or not, of course. Being so-called deluded is not only from within the realm of the world of addicts. All persons face life and death with whatever personal experiences they [we] have.
I would say some addicts do die before they become aware of their addictions killing them off. We all don't make it back from that last using time, that last drink. My experience though, my take on it, is that most addicts come to know the awful experience of wishing they were not addicted. After that some die off never knowing anything much different - and some recover knowing that addiction can be beaten forever and a day.
RR