I always wanted someone to lean on, someone I could trust, someone to take care of me. So, I spent my life taking care of others, being trustworthy, letting them lean on me. In my mind, I was earning "my turn." I figured if I did all those things for someone else, they would eventually do them for me. You know, tit for tat and all that.
I didnt really think I was doing this until I stopped receiving emails.
I thought WTF? Where is he now? I have been there for awhile now, and then I realized he was doing all the leaning. All the leaning.
Dammit.
This foolish feeling is still there. Like I have been tricked. I guess I fooled myself.
He is not an alcoholic, but now, I wonder if something else is wrong there that I have refused to look at.
Sigh.....
I still "know" I deserve better than this.