I'm sorry for your loss and your current troubles. I lost my only sibling, my sister when I was 17yo and I saw how my parents fell even deeper into the abyss of their disease (alcoholism). God knows you have a much better reason to drink and use then the majority of us here. Let me say though that numbing your pain and drowning it with booze and drugs will not fix. Any of your problems. Though they seem to be a good temporary solution, as you can already see the rest of your life is slipping away. I beg of you to try and get some sort of support. Like the others above have mentioned sobriety alone is not enough to cure our troubles. Not only do we have a physical disease but it also effects us mentally and spiritually. Unless we can also work on the other two, we are doomed to go back to drinking and using. I sincerely hope that you do seek out some help to assist you in trying to get a grip on your drinking and using. It's really the only way we can make it in this world. I know this may sound a bit harsh, but use your daughter as inspiration. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself.