Summerpeach
I'm not a promiscuous man. I was somewhat when I was a teen I cheated on one girlfriend. My dad and my old step dad both cheated on my mom and I saw how she was devistated, how she immersed herself into her disease (alcoholism). I promised myself I'd never do the same to my wife whenever I got married. I broke many promises and vows that I made to myself when I was in the thick of my disease. The thing was I never looked at flirting as being wrong or cheating. My wife saw different. When I eventually got caught flirting at the bars my wife left me. I was very hurt, devastated and still am. I love that woman with all my heart but I understand I hurt her and the damage is irreversible. Part of the reason, other than my little ones, that I quit drinking was because my wife left me. She and I are not together anymore. We've been separated since May of last year. I've been abstinent from sex since then, other than with myself. Sorry if that grosses you out. Don't get me wrong there are women I find attractive, I just don't have the desire to be with them. Like I said, I'm still in love with my wife. I can't blame what I did completely on alcohol because I made the choice to drink and I chose to go to the bars knowing very well I'm a blackout drinker. She told me I had a problem when we were still together, but I didn't think so. She wanted me to get help, but I didn't want to. She made every effort to make our marriage work, but I was so sick that I didn't know that there was a problem and that she was hurting. So if you really want to know what my wake-up call was. My wife left me, I don't get to kiss my kids goodnight anymore, I don't get to tuck them in bed anymore, and I don't get to roll over and give my wife a kiss in the morning anymore. I ruined my marriage and cheated on my wife, two things I vowed to never do. Simply speaking, I became my father, another thing I promised never to do. My life isn't over, I will always be my kids father. I don't drink or use cause I don't want my kids to not want me in their lives. That is a pain I just could not live with. Hope this brings some light to you.
Part of the 4th step is to make a sexual inventory, that also helped me to realize that what I was doing was wrong. Even though I wasn't physically sleeping around, its as my mind was sleeping around since I was out flirting.