psycopink

Hi there im new here my name is pink for short.

Well this site got recommended to me, and i decided to say hi and share my story.

Well it started as most stories do, ya know 14 yrs of age and wanting a super cool experience in life, i decided to pick up, not knowing how it was gonna end, by the age of 16 i had done everything and was starting to begin my journey on the heroin and coke path, commonly known as speedballs.

Neway when i turned 17 i moved to London U.K, there i stayed clean of H for 4 months unitl one day i approached this punk and asked where i could score, he said sure and took me to his flat, this is when i realised trainspotting was a reality, dog **** on the bed, stuff everywhere and body lice, well that day was the begining of a nasty rolecoaster ride, i started using everyday, i theived from my mom and b-f until oneday he said to me he was gonna leave me if i didnt quit, so unwillingly i went and got on a methadone rapid detox script, this didnt last very long and i thought screw that, but unbeknowns to my b-f, he thought i was clean, well that was nearly 4 yrs ago now, he still likes to believe that im physically clean altho' im sure he knows wots up.
I started a job and was doing really well until my coke habit soared up again and i started theiving from the company, needless to say they found me out and got rid of me due to gross misconduct, even when i had nothin else to say i denied it, as any addict would, when i look at it now i realise that it was a good thing as my speedball habit was growing at some rapid rate i just couldnt keep up with.
A few weeks ago i had my 1st OD, my b-f found me on the floor-out of it,he couldnt wake me up so he threw water on my face, i lost 3-4 days i was very out of it, after this i have realised that a part of me was happy at the thought of not wakin up, i realised i am not afraid of dieing from the needle.
I have been attending N.A meetings, during the last 3 months i havnt been and 2day i went again, i now realise i cant try and get clean without N.A and all recovering addicts.

I have lost so much and am still in heavy amounts of pain and shame and im not sure wot i have to gain from a sober life, i do feel a heavy lack of hope at times, specially when i think of people i have lost , i just wanna be with them again free from all this torment my body puts me thro'.

Neway i hope i havent blabbed to much, PLz if there is anyone who has been in a similar place to me and has come out the other end, can u share ure hope and inspiration with me coz im lackin at moment.

Thanx to all..
sending
peace,luv,light,unity and respect
from
Pink