A messed up situation.
Ok, where to start? 5 years ago I moved from Philadelphia to WV. After living here for a year (and feeling lonely and out of place) I met my wife. The first time I met her she was drunk. She only had wine and beer in her fridge. She addmitted to me that she has a 20 year drinking history. Her father is also an alcoholic. Anyway, We hit it off and I let her know that I didn't drink. I helped detox her and she pretty much stopped drinking except for binges every 3-6 months back in her home state of Tenn. She would be gone 3-4 days and always come home.
I have to add that I was smoking pot daily (with her) and addicted to pain meds. (which she took too, but I never let her get addicted to them) Around June 12th her best friend and drinking buddy back in TN committed suicide (he was dying from brain cancer) he did this right after she went to visit him and they got drunk together. She came back home and started a terrible fight with me, and said she was leaving because I was addicted to pain meds. I go into a detox on June 17th and rehab afterwards. The day before I left the rehab she tells me she would be home (she was in her hometown in TN) I fly back home and she is not at the house. She changes her cell# and deletes me off FB. After sometime we started talking and making trips on weekends to see each other. Everything went great. She came home with clothes and packed her drawers up on September 14th. Swore to me she would be back in one week. Well, she didn't come home. She admitted to me she was drinking everyday. She told me she was so "disconnected from her feelings she doesn't feel anything" "and she was a messed up chick" we haven't talked on the phone for 10 weeks. And hardly communicate through emails at all. I have to add she suffers from depression, and her dog that was 15 years also died about 4 months ago (she never had kids so the dog was her kid) she also has an eating disorder. She says to me "it's too late to save us" I don't know why she doesn't file for a divorce if that's how she feels? her father is a family attorney and she could easily have it done. I cannot tell you how many times she said to me "I was just about to come home" before the past 10 weeks anyway. It really has me messed up. I love the woman and cared enough about our future to stop taking all the pain meds (there were numerous different ones and I took many) I know you have to do it for yourself, but she was the catalyst. beleive me if it wasn't for myself I would have relapsed long ago. I do wonder what it was all for at times? She tells me she has a 20 year drinking history, has been drinking the past 5 months...but is in denial that the alcohol has anything to do with what's going on now? It really hurts that I gave my addictions up, while she indulges in hers. I know I should focus on myself, i do go to AA and NA meetings and I try to do that. But, knowing she is in bars and not at home really tears me up. She says she loves me with all her heart, and misses me more than I would ever know..but adds..I know I KNOW that coming back there is not the best thing for me. I live in a small town (not much of a bar scene) she lives in a major city in TN with all the nightlife a person could want. man does it hurt..how can she say she loves me with all her heart and misses me so much but doesn't come home? Alcohol is that important? It's really a messed up situation. would a person choose alcohol over a loved one and their marriage? My addiction was just as bad as hers. I stopped. Oh, she also told me she couldn't deal with her feelings so she "escapes" can't say I haven't thought of "escaping myself" but I play that tape all the way through and I know the end is just misery, detox and rehab (if I'm lucky enough) sorry for going off, but I really am lost and still don't know many people in this Mountain town. the situation has been eating at me like you wouldn't beleive. Opinions welcomed.