Thanks everyone for your replies,
John I only wish I could make him go and see someone, you know he has the tough guy attitude. He has so much anger built up inside that it is worrisome as to the trouble he is causing and the trouble to come should he not seek some help. I think and think as to what I can do to get us onto an even keel, thought I would write him a letter, but I can see he would not even read it, he would crumple it up in a ball and toss it in the garbage. As I have seen him do this with each card or letter that his dad sent to him.
I think the only thing I can do is hand it over to my HP and keep telling myself I am letting go with love. You would think that I would have now learned to not let it get to me so much, as this has been going on for so long it still stings each and everytime.
I am telling my HP, yourselves, myself, god and anyone else who hears me, "I love my Son to Death, I don't know what else to do and I don't know why he chooses to treat me with such disrespect, I know I have made my mistakes along the way, never ever would I have done anything that I knew would hurt or upset him, either of them. I do know that I would go to over and beyond to make them happy, even if it wasn't good for me, as long as it made them happy and there was a way I could do it, it was done.
Now I was not the only one doing this, so did their dad before all of this addiction choas started.
Now as I type on and get more of this out, is it possible that they were so spoiled that they get so angry because they can't have what they want. They know how upset I get when this goes on. I know the older he got the more demanding he became, acually both of the boys. I can't give it to them anymore and they are going to teach me? I know there is a lot more than just this bottled up inside them than this, but it might have a great deal to do with it as well.
Rose