Originally Posted by
Babyblue 
I will look at those image. I do have a healthy perspective and was trying to figure out where all those feelings I have come from and then I realized, it was what had happened to me before when I was 'seeing' him (years ago). He moved away (pre-drinking problems) and promised to keep in touch but he didn't. Nor did I frankly. But we were young and it was just one of those things that didn't go as I had hoped but I remember feeling a sense of loss that he had to move away. Now he is gone..... again.
Deja vu.
Not the first time? Are you sure you want this? I don't know how long your RABF has been drinking, or how many relapses he's had total, but I know you've already lived through one, and it's put you back at square 1 in your relationship. And what happens after rehab? I'm not sure I'd necessarily leave my RABF if he had one short relapse (would depend on the particulars I guess)...but I WILL leave in a heartbeat if he ever pushes me away again like he did in early recovery, or if he decides to use again.
I also told him, "this will not be the YOU show forever, the time is coming for it to be the ME show, and I want someone to take care of ME and make ME feel special." Not a threat, just honest about what i want, and I will walk if he becomes so narcissistic again, that's not what I envision when I dream of romance. And he gets it, and is working really hard.
However, none of this would be happening if he wasn't better equipped to deal with emotions than he was early on in recovery. I don't walk on eggshells, and he has learned some coping tools. We both give to a healthy extent, and honestly discuss what we want and need without holding back. This is the only way it can work IMO, and boy he came around JUST in time...I was actively seeking other people to casually date (this helps me move on...lol).
You can't have a relationship with someone who is not psychologically capable, or, when you feel like you have to hold back your own needs because the RA is too fragile. Also, I think addicts work and milk the recovery situation to their advantage as much as and for as long as possible...being responsible for YOUR feelings is, well...a responsibility, and recovery is a free pass for them in regards to this.
I'd move on, date other people perhaps (nothing too heavy, just to get your mind off of him, and get a sense of what it's like to spend time with someone normal). I didn't go no contact because I didn't want him out of my life, but I DID stop taking and/or responding to calls and texts in a timely fashion. Too bad, I was busy with other potential mates...lol. Do go no contact if you must though...