nicam

I don't think they think about us in recovery as much as we think about them. Recovery is by nature self-absorbed, and I hear you...it's not knowing that is the real killer. No closure, just confusion and uncertainty. Not knowing where you stand, or how he'll feel about you once he goes through these changes.

My RABF was like this earlier in his recovery, barely contacted me even when he could, just kind of kept me there, waiting in the wings. Said he wanted a future together at times, but never backed it up with actions, said he didn't know what he wanted at times because he didn't know himself and couldn't be sure of what he wanted in a partner, but was just afraid of losing me in the process and it being too late once he came out of the fog, blah, blah, blah. It was hell, sickening, his brain was a MESS, and I MOVED ON!

Then, after his 4-5th steps he got a much better grip on himself and his motives, and realized that he did want to be together 100%. I guess he needed that time to get a sense of who he really is, and to make sure that his motives were healthy, and to figure out what he really wanted as a new, sober person. He is a much different person now than he was in those days, and completely supportive and available. It's still kinda scary though...

I guess my point is this exact thing might happen to you, and you have to decide if you really want it once and if it does. You've already said he will contact you once he's allowed to... I moved on because I felt exactly the way you do right now. Then, of course he came to me like an eager love-struck puppy dog only AFTER I had moved on...but, at least I know it's coming from a healthy place now, and that he waited and risked losing me until after he could be sure his motives were pure. And I had to think about what I wanted before accepting his commitment, because as you know, his is not a normal world...