idreamblue, it definitely sounds to me that your mother is a codependent.
The basic emotional symptoms of Codependents involve fixing or controlling others through overt or covert threats instead of facing internal pain, and failing to recognize the disease in oneself. They have an intense need to feel needed by others in order to establish a relationship with them. Feeling that they know better how to take care of others than they know how to care for themselves. They are afraid to allow other people to be unique and independent individuals and to let events unfold naturally and spontaneously. They are "experts" in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave. They become resentful when not allowed to help others. They feel agitated and unhappy about others pain or struggle. They put aside their own hobbies and interests in favor of the hobbies and interests of others. Their world is rigid and inflexible, and they take comfort in routine.
I am a codependent and am in therapy trying to work out some of my problems and issues. One of the most thought provoking comments my therapist told me is that I am just addicted to my AH as my AH is addicted to alcohol. I had a hard time placing my finger on the reason why I couldn't move on with the rest of my life, and felt stuck.
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The higher our expectations, the lower our serenity. Try to keep your boundaries high, your expectations low, and your heart open.
Willingness comes from the pain, the healing comes from the steps.
Step 1. Surrender
Step 2. Sanity
Step 3. Serenity
There is a difference between “relief” and “recovery”.
Steps 1-3 bring relief
Steps 4-9 bring recovery..
Steps 10-12 maintain it…
Steps 6 & 7:
Step 6 Be willing, Be ready and let God do the work
Step 7 Humbly ask (acknowledge who you are in relation to God)
Al-Anon is program that is meant to be worked with another and with God.
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