Originally Posted by
Freedom1990 
I would heartily suggest Alanon for you, to give you face-to-face support with this dynamic. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent starter book.
This is such good advice. Be the change you want to see. I can see how my childhood was not perfect but my mom gave us a much better childhood then she had. My mom died when I was 21 so I do not have an adult relationship to refer to but she had her own issues. I am close to my aunt (her sister) and there are some similar traits to what you describe there and I am working hard at detaching from the feelings those things evoke, creating boundaries (unstated actually - but I just refuse to participate in conversations that cross my boundaries and I plan our visits much more carefully and they are more limited) etc. I want to be the change. I want my kids to have a better childhood then I had (so I need to set examples of boundaries and how I deal with others etc.). I might not have been to successful up to this point but I'm determined to be more successful from here on out.
We can change this cycle but we have to do it by working to changing ourselves, not others.