Thanks for your input. I'm scared to tell my dad. I'm ashamed of how I've acted drunk. I pass out like a slob. I start stove top fires. I do really weird things with no forethought. I get really mean with people. Never my daughter, but with my husband I do. There were a couple of recent incidents where it became physical. I don't want my family believing that a sober me, who is a perfectly nice friendly person would have such a dark drinking side. I have a lot of anger and it comes out with alcohol. I wasn't always an angry drunk but the last six years I have felt stuck in my life, no surprise alcohol went hand and hand with that. To other drunks, I'm sure none of this is surprising, but to people who haven't dealt with that, it is abhorrent behavior.
I think my husband wants my dad to respond to my crisis situation because he did choose to tell his own parents. He has my daughter in his care, so it's an unavoidable topic for him, I guess. They are much more enmeshed as a family compared to mine, and I've tried to keep a limit on how much my family knows. I think he wants my family to have less sympathy for me and a lot of sympathy for him. I don't blame him since he's borne the brunt of my problem.
Thanks, I have some things to reflect on here. Now if I could only sleep! There is some loud clunking sound that keeps happening intermittently in the basement below my bed and I have no clue what it could be. I just went down to check on it, a little apprehensively, and found nothing obvious. It's spooky.