Thanks artsoul...I know, it's so insidious! I told myself I was doing fine with "controlling" my drinking, even though I really knew I wasn't.
What triggered me into full-blown drinking again was losing my home earlier this year...I scrambled for money, sold my van, and bought another, cheap fixer-upper, and in my mind I was telling myself "when I get settled again I can address the drinking and quit easily enough."
Or not. I don't think I've spent a night here sober since I moved in 6 weeks ago. Just for fun, I will not drink today. One day at a time! As soon as it's light I'm taking my dogs for a good walk in the woods to clear my head before work.