Welcome, Bloomfield - I can relate to the "moderate drinking gone bad" .... I had two good periods of sobriety and messed up, too. When I went back to drinking, I started off fine (special occasions, having 2 or 3 on weekends, etc.), but both times it eventually escalated and I was back to the plotting, hiding, obsessing, isolating....
I thought if I said I'd quit "forever," it would set me up for failure (and a part of me didn't want to quit anyway). But what I found was that after a month or two, the thoughts of alcohol started receding. At 6 months now, I feel so much freer mentally. I have ADD and depression, too, but they're manageable now with a little help from my psychiatrist.
Keep working on good healthy solutions for yourself and proper treatment and you'll find it. In the meantime just take sobriety a day or an hour at a time. If we can do it, you can too!
