Thanks for the wise answers from you all who've been there and done that. And (((hugs))) back too.
That's probably the reason I've never been completely sober - because I've never been completely well, so even when I haven't been drinking I haven't been free of it truly. Anna - you're right, I didn't really make any changes to my life except staying sober in the past. Most of my adult life has been a downward spiral of self-sabotage, so maybe I'll try AA again. I've never really quit with any sort of structured support except from friends. SMART looks interesting, I had to google it...no meetings really close but doable.
I've been reading a lot here as well, which helps. Thanks.