Hi Bloomfield
Welcome to SR.
I'm glad your seeing a therapist and about to see a psych - that's a good start
I spent years looking for reasons - these days I tend to accept addiction/alcoholism is not logical. I find it far more beneficial to just accept it *is* - I don't need to know everything about it to 'beat' it...I just need to take action.
I think most people find a recovery group useful - whether it's AA or some other kind like SMART or whatever.
Whatever you decide on that score - my advice is to stay plugged in here - you'll find a lot of support
As for explanations, I think thats probably of secondary importance now to be honest. Do something positive for yourself first - worry about fallout and explanations later
D