I've never been in that sort of situation before so I really don't know what I could recommen. As far as the situation you just went through, you did the right thing by being mature and the bigger person. I can understand your reluctance in spending thanksgiving with them. I'm an alcoholic and recovery and my moms family are all drinkers, alcoholics if you will. I don't plan on spending thanksgiving with them and my mom is telling me I'm over reacting. Am I really? my moms side of the family are El Salvador and they have the notion that I just need to learn how to control my drinking, as if I haven't already tried that countless times before. I simply told her that if they can't respect my decision not to drink anymore than they shouldn't expect me to show up. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, a very mature person. Why don't you try going, if you SOL starts acting like an ass, then leave. Be the bigger person that you already are. I know I sound like a hypocrite because I'm not going over to families gathering. I don't have a licences so I'm not able to drive, if I go over there and they start offering me booze I'll be stuck there without a means of leaving. My sobriety is way to important to me to give it up over a family gathering. I have two kids I have to think about. I still have to be a father to them and there is no possible way I can be one if I'm still an active drunk. Like I said you seem like a smart responsible man with a kind heart. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.