Back Again....
Yes I'm back again. So sad in my opinion, I read some post that i wrote back in March of 09. Around that time I found out I had Diabetes and more recently I found out I have high blood pressure. During all this I continued drinking.
I tend to binge. I will drink until I cant anymore. Lately I notice i get to the point where I slur my words. My mind feels pretty clear cause I can text or type correctly but if I talk you will know im "hammered".
Pretty recently I drank from 1pm until the next morning 11am. Rum has been my usual choice , I Did not sleep, went to miami beach and even went in the ocean at 4am. Got home at 7am and downed a 6 pack of Corona. Crazy night.
Because of the health problems I realize Im a ticking time bomb. My doc recently told me that drinking actually raises your blood pressure. Scared the heck out of me so I stopped.....for two weeks. Did the ol..."Just one drink" routine. That lead to my usual everyday getting drunk routine.
IN the last year and a half I think I have missed work at 7 times due to being too drunk to get up....granted I get up at 4:50 am to go to work so its not easy for anyone to drink until midnight and get up a few hours later. I do it everyday, accept for those days I missed.
My wife and my kids (all grown) know I need to stop but don't really intervene. They talk to me that I should stop but they all doubt I can. I dont get violent or abusive towards anyone I just get comical and foolish. IM usually that way when I'm sober, I just become more comical and foolish LOL
OK sorry for writing a novel here I guess I just wanted to vent a bit..... let me sum this up.
Im going to try ...again. I have been reading about AA and I'm kinda turned off with the whole emotional thing and the religion thing. I dont drink to "get away" from anything. I'm just addicted....I been reading about the typical "signs" of alcoholism and I have most of them.
I just threw away about an inch of rum that was left in the bottle I drank last night..... Im going to try again. Day one all over. I promise myself if I fail again I will look for some professional help.
I will post up my progress. I know it wont be easy, thanksgiving around the corner and relatives coming in but I must try. I think the first day especially while trying to get over a hangover is easy but once you sober up then it becomes hard. Lets see what happens. Wish me luck
H
PS I realize that doing alone is very hard for most everyone, there are enough post on this subject in this great forum. Even with this knowledge Im still gonna give it one last shot alone