My mom really is not like you all make it seem. She is a workaholic clean freak, exercise guru, physical therapist assistant, who drinks a few rum and cokes a day (never seen her stumbling-around drunk in my life, but she always seems to have that slight buzz going on). She does not generally get sloshed and do dumb ****. She just can't go without those few rum and cokes for a week or two, THAT is what bothers me, not so much her behavior while drinking.
I suppose there are different 'styles' of alcoholism, you know, a different portrait painted of the alcoholic... One time when she came over and I found her cleaning my standing fan from the bedroom with bleach in the bath tub. She helped DH take care of my son when I was in rehab (he was about 18 months at the time) She made sure he got a bath every night, and put his prescription lotion on him. She had his eczema clearer than it ever was before or has been since (though we are making progress with it.)
In any case, though, I do have a problem that she can not leave her drinks behind her, yet she would judge others for their behavior (she is also very judgmental. I hope I am painting a clearer picture for you all, as I don't want you to think she is more... afflicted... than she is (but she's afflicted at all, and that is what matters). She has a girlfriend, but her gf is married and has kids, and will probably be spending Christmas with her family. My mom will likely spend Christmas by herself, or my brother or my sister and her fiancée and their new baby (due TOMORROW, lol!). Or she'll spend it alone. Or with some co-workers. Whatever. I highly doubt she is going to get plastered and try to make out with her Christmas tree, lol, she'll probably just have those 3 or 4 drinks during the day.
By most people's standards, she would not be an alcoholic at all, (because she doesn't get worse, she's been drinking this way for 25 years!) but the fact that she is unwilling to give up her booze a bit to be with family, that is a red flag for me. And she loves my son, he told her "I love you" over the phone the other night for the first time, and she started crying, it was sweet.
The fact that alcohol trumps that-- just a few drinks-- shows to me that she has a problem, but she can't see it. She just thinks I am judging her because my husband and I converted to Mormonism (that is part of the reason, but also because I don't want the temptation around ME, threatening MY sobriety.) It is a decision we made to protect our family, and she refuses to see it as such.