My A was entirely incapable of connecting emotionally while drinking
He would sometimes feel feelings, and be unabashedly surprised and overwhelemed by the connect he had made, to our son, to me.
When I met him, and we were both younger, he was more available emotionally. He was not consumed by the disease yet.
I look at it like this, I have drank a lot in periods of my own life. During those periods, I was never able to wake up from a drunk, and to go back in the next night. Why? Well, I would be physically beat up, by varying degrees...but also, I would have some brain cell damage, LOL...I needed to regain footing.
Alcohol alters me, even at a few drinks on a "big" night out with the girls level. It alters my ability to be connected to myself. It makes us literally "forget". It literally "eases pain"
It is a drug. A toxin, even.
It impairs judgement, it changes personality.
When my best friend died suddenly a few years back, I drank to numb the EMOTIONAL PAIN. I drank for a few nights. These alcoholics drink sometimes all day, everyday. At the very least they over drink a few days or nights a week.
I have always seen that as means to dilute the pain of being in their feeling center.
As far as now, while he is 5 weeks sober?
In the last 5 weeks, in spite of having nuts and bolts difficulties, and him behaving a bit like a teenager in terms of responsibility, follow through, etc...
I have experienced having my boyfriend back. We have talks, he laughs at appropriate times, he has normal emotional responses to things.
He looks at me, and he is there, inside of his eyes.
He laughs with our son, who has been lapping up the emotional PRESENCE, which had been MIA, with fleeting moments of contact for his whole life in regards to his dad.
Its early in his recovery, he is out of the house right now, until he pulls it together, OR NOT...but, in response to your question,
He is incredibly more emotionally available than I even thought possible, and it was alcohol that numbed him away from that.
I have been held without expectation of some payback, I have been asked what I need, I have been smiled at without posturing, or plot.
It may all be a ruse, a con, or maybe some pink cloud action, but...He is in there, there is somebody home where there was nobody home for years, and that is after 5 weeks sober.
I am, whether he can conform to living here with us or not, very excited for him to be a living breathing emotional person again. I know it scares the sh*t out of him, though.
just my experience so far.