Originally Posted by
FindingPeace1 
I think the answer is different for everyone. How much of people's emotional block is from the drink or from their own issues?
It depends.
I think, like my AH, many alcoholics drink to medicate emotional pain. Stopping drink doesn't fix that underlying pain.
For me, my AH has the emotional mine field of "do not go there" topics (the hard ones, the ones about his drinking or dishonesty or hiding).
That causes me emotional disconnect.
He can be gentle and loving and expressive at other times.
He is SUPER shut down when he's shut down.
Your time *might* be better spent exploring you and why you chose/choose(?) partners that are emotionally disconnected. That is an answer you can find in yourself.
Hugs,
peace
My exah has a very similar emotional style as yours. You pretty much nailed it, the unapproachable subjects, the result that has on you, the very warm and loving times, and the total disconnect when they shut down.
My question is really regarding re-entering this relationship on some level. At early stages of communication, I am trying to see ahead as to how much the communication can be improved, how much is futile, and do I want crumbs or the whole cake.
As to why I chose him...a little bit of it breaks down to --here's this big successful man who also wimpers like a puppy at the store...I could take care of him emotionally, and give him a home, nurture that abandoned puppy....