Originally Posted by
crystal226 
I agree with you...the justification he said is "he is quitting for himself because he wants his family back" It is logic that probably won't hold up and I have little faith that he won't relapse, but for now it is what he is bringing to the table whether I like it or not. If/when it doesn't work out then I will still be where I am at holding my ground.
Here's the thing. Alanon says that we can find our own happiness regardless of whether the alcoholic has stopped drinking OR NOT.
And I struggle with the OR NOT part. I think when the person is a friend or other family member, that perhaps this can be achieved. But I wonder in a marriage, especially one with kids.
In a marriage there is an emotional disconnect, or lack of connection, with an active drinker. That connection is the very reason that people get married...well, the reason I would get married!
So logically...I don't know how a marriage can be happy if the crucial emotional connection is missing, warped, pick your word.
Maybe others don't experience this emotional lack of connection with an active A. I don't see how though. Or maybe my marriage had a larger lack of connection than some others. I think I'll start my own thread on that.
Perhaps some partners of A's are mostly concerned about dangerous and irresponsible behaviors. For me, it was all about the lack of connection. For you, it may be that he was an irresponsible parent while drinking, or whatever the case.