Floss

Hi Sassy, Wicked is right. Start collecting evidence and diarising the abuse. Even though he hasn't physically hit you, yet, you are still living in abuse. He is threatening you, calling you the 'crazy one'. One thing though, it may be safer for to leave your diary/evidence somewhere else (work, a trusted friend, even a social worker?) so he doesn't find it.

When my ex AH and I broke up, I had four kids. The youngest was 3. I was terrified. The straw that broke the camels back was a particular night when I was put through the abuse cycle, the tension build up, abuse, remorse, (no honeymoon period in this case though) over and over again in one night. In the morning I was in shock. I went to see my homoeopath and she gave me a remedy for shock and then a remedy called Staphysagria 30C. I'd had this remedy before so I knew what it would do. It helped me get stronger and stronger until the rose coloured glasses came off my head and I told my AH I couldn't be with him anymore, that he needed to get help for his rage problems or it was over. We continued to live together for another 3 months and then he moved out and moved in with another woman....The abuse, however continued and escalated. With the help of a very understanding, compassionate, supportive police officer, I finally had the courage to tell him what had been happening and he sought an AVO on my behalf. He was like an angel to me... When my AH left, he took most of the furniture, he ruined my perfect credit rating and I was left with all the kids and all the debt he'd accumulated (because he was the secondary card holder to my credit card) We are lucky here in this country that we have a social security system where as single parents, we can recieve monetary support from the Government. My health started to improve however I was stll fearful of him. Now, 7.5 years after separation, he does not intimidate me anymore. He's tried, but he knows I'm stronger and I'm no longer under 'his spell'.

I too had no support from parents. During our realtionship, I didn't tell my friends about the abuse. They came to me when they saw him act abusively. One friend thought I was crazy I 'put up with' the abuse and could not be my friend anymore because I didn't leave him in her time (mind you, she's a counsellor!!!). A couple thought I needed to 'hang in there' and I admit, I only washed over the abuse with them as I felt too much shame to discuss it. There were a couple though who had been through abuse themselves, one in particular. She was the one who finally convinced me to call the police.

You need support now. I wish I had SR at the time as there is so much support here. You're way ahead of where I was when I was with my AH. I was in so much denial, I didn't even acknowledge his alcoholism even though he drank every day and I used to be scared when he did because I knew the abuse was coming...

You're also seeing your Doctor and hopefully a therapist. Are you crazy for wanting to opt out of an abusive relationship? No. Are you selfish to want to? No. When I was wondering if I was at fault for ending my relationship, a Christian friend told me that even though the grounds for divorce in the bible is Adultery, it's also Abuse, Addiction, Abandonment. All A's!

Just a question, when you mentioned detachment from your AH being dangerous and losing the emotional connection would scare you to the core. What about that would scare you to the core? Is it because you'd be alone with all your kids and all the responsibilities that this entails? Is it because it's scary to think of being alone? Is it because you're afraid of the repercussions/retaliation from your AH? And his family? Or is it all or none or some of the above?

You deserve peace in your life, so do your babies. Keep coming back here Sassy, attend Al-Anon if you can. You're on the right track. One step at a time.....