Thanks for your replies! NoDay, well, it seems there's hope for us all! And I'm happy to hear you've found a great guy. I'm definately listening to my gut. He's lied and I don't like liars. He's also a cheater (cheated on his wife several times...this came out when he was trying to be super honest after deception!) Mr Deceptive, yes, he is. And I am doing exactly what you did. I'm having time with my girlfriends (when I'm not looking after my five kids, lol), and speaking of that, I don't have the time or energy for crap. I'd rather spend my free time on here, going for a walk, having lunch with the girls than spending time with a man I'm unable to trust.
Brokenheart, my boundaries were so not established when I attracted the 'bad boys'. I was like a magnet to them, ignoring all red flags! Looking back, was I daft? Anyway, I don't magically trust anyone now. Yay! Okay, the I'm not ready yet. Firstly that means, I'd rather be on my own than in a relationship with an A**hole. Secondly, I'm taking the time to get to know me, I'm in Discovery (sorta like recovery but because I never knew who I was, I'm only starting to discover). Thirdly, I'm enjoying not having to cook the big man meals every night, lol. Fourthly, I don't have the time, energy or inclination for another relationship. Fifthly, I don't want to go back (attracting another bad boy into my radar) and i don't know how to move forward (switching my antenna to be able to recognise a nice man), so, I'm sorta happy where I am right now. Just accepting where I am I suppose instead of frantically trying to 'change' something...
Thanks Thumper, I totally get the "did he pick me" thing. I was only talking to my daughter about that last night about how we don't have to be with anyone just because they like us. We do have a choice. MermaidGirl, I agree, no spark and it's not right if I have to force myself to be with him! Paintbaby, that's true and spending time with someone just because they want to can escalate to a full blown relationship if we don't know how to say no or we're just going along with it because we don't want to hurt their feelings...
Cyranoak, wow, the spark/first drink...I see the correlation! That's scary hey? Thanks for being so honest about your past experiences with women...the grooming thing. I've definately left the door open a crack and I've said all that to him, you're not my type, I don't have those feelings for you, I don't want a relationship, you'll find someone else who feels the same way you do for them, I'm still in love with my ex, and yes, I've even said to him eew, it would be like being with my brother. I've also told him I can't be with someone who lies, could you be only pursuing me because I'm not available, blah blah blah. What I really need to say is "please don't contact me again". I haven't done that yet because I was hoping he'd have replaced me by now (the easy way out!) and I haven't wanted to hurt his feelings (codie alert). I believe he really is deluded...it's a bit scary. Oh, there's also one other reason I haven't bolted the door, and this might sound strange considering he's only ever been a gentleman with me (minus the lying and grooming) and his kids seem to like/love him. He has 6 different types of firearms (he has a license for some, others are illegal) and having personal firearms in this country is not as common as in the US and he has a lot of different kinds of knives (he collects them and he used to do taxidermy as a hobby too!). When he commented on the abuse I've been exposed to by my ex, I said to him (because in his honesty blab, he told me he'd trapped a cat and deliberately drowned it in cold blood) "You're the type of guy you hear about in the news..."he was such a nice man, smiling all the time, so helpful, such a good dad. I can't believe he was a serial killer". His reply was, laughing, "you're probably right!" So, maybe I'm being paranoid, but I'd rather he find someone else to replace the delusional relationship he has with me so I don't have to bolt the door!
Kindeyes, yes, another good relationship, that's good to hear and congratulations on 25 years! I will definately give a nice man a go in the future as maybe I'll find that spark with one. Not so sure about this one though, lol....
Anvil, I've always felt comfortable around the man I was talking about. Actually, I wasn't when he brought up sex. I felt like running! So, I think that's a sign....However, I've felt comfortable to be honest with him and that's good and I haven't felt attacked when I've expressed my feelings. That's good too.....
Thanks again everyone....
