Atleast by having 'the talk' you'll be putting your feelings on the table. She won't be able to say that you didn't tell her how you felt. I like others have had that talk several times as well and it didn't matter. I do remember one of my STBEXAH's counselors tell him that perhaps he would have to lose everything before he finallly got it. AH hasn't got it by almost dying several times, so maybe this will work. I can't worry about that, his recovery is his business. I see that now, and it took almost three years. For now I continue to focus on me and my boys.