SteppingUp

OK, I think I'm coming to the end of my rope. The W's drinking isn't getting better (I know, it's a progressive disease). She goes off at the slightest (or no) provocation. I'm so unhappy and anxious all the time.

Just last night, my son said something to her (a-la Randy Jackson) and ended the sentence with 'Dawg". She turned cold and said, "Are you calling me a dog?! You're calling your mother a dog..." I'm sure you can guess the rest.

I didn't know what to do. So I did what I always do and quickly changed the topic of conversation and we all moved on. I know that's classic codie behavior and frankly it felt like a child's defense mechanism.

I feel like I've lost my integrity. I like to think of myself as an honest person. But I'll do or say whatever I need to in order to avoid conflict. I'll not say certain things or custom tailor the things I do say. It always leaves me feeling lousy about myself.

I've got to tell her that I've got a problem with her drinking. I've become someone I don't like and need to fix that (I'm sure she would be more than happy to agree with that one). I'm always anxious never knowing what will bring about the next sh*t storm.

I just don't know how to go about it. I know I need to be calm and detached but there is so much anger and resentment. She loves to ask for examples and I'd love to tell her about the 1+bottles of wine she drinks every night. The fact that she can go off on me or her children at any time. The fact that on numerous occasions she'll ask where the boys are when she saw and spoke to them an hour before. The list goes on...

I don't know if saying any of those things will help. The thing is, I just don't know what to say or how to say it!

I'd truly appreciate any advice on this matter. I just want to say it right.

I want to let her know that:

I've got a problem with her drinking.
I'm going to get help.
I'm going to let the kids know that there's help for them.
I'm not going to engage with her or let the kids engage with her when she's drinking.
I'm going to tell the kids to stay away from her if she's drinking and I'm not home.
I hope that she chooses to get help too.

Thanks-

A side note: I'm pretty sure my mother was addicted to prescription pain meds. When she was sick with the illness that killed her she was in a tremendous amount of pain. For that the doctors prescribed her many morphine-based pain killers to make her more comfortable. I spent a lot of time with her that last year and she too would go off with little or no provocation. Yes, I'm sure Dr, Freud would have a field day with this!