Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement and your prayers. I am going to drive to AS's temporary rehab shortly to drove off some medication he needs, but I won't see him. I know that if I set expectations for him, then I set myself up for failure - this episode served as a good reminder of that truth. I was glad that he chose not to come home after his lapse, that he recognized he is not strong enough to handle freedom right now. Sojourner, the rehab he was in allows overnight "recovery" weekends with family, and for December AS would have been in the program long enough to have earned the overnight stay with us for Christmas, which was going to be great, because my daughter and her two children are coming from out of state to spend Christmas with us. When/if AS re-enters the program next month, since he has to start over, he won't be allowed to leave for Christmas. I'm all for letting him spend Christmas there on his own and focusing on my daughter's visit with my grandsons. It might be good for him to miss us, and to think about his own little son...to realize just how much his addiction has cost him. I think we are still able to drive to the facility to attend church with him on Sundays, but I'm ready to back off that a little, too. We've always been there for AS, and he knows that, so maybe he takes it for granted that we'll always be in his corner. And I will always be in his corner as far as wanting the best for him, and praying for his recovery, and loving him. But I'm feeling a need for space in the relationship right now. When we see him, he doesn't open up very much - most of the conversations are superficial - mostly centered on what he wants to eat or what we can bring him. He's all over the place in his thinking...he wants to finish the program, he doesn't like the program, he wants to join the navy when he's finished rehab, etc. I guess I just need to concentrate on being thankful that he still wants to be in rehab. But I'm learning that there's a difference in being in rehab and being in recovery. One step at a time. He's where he needs to be. I know this feeling of doubt and pain will pass. It's just the double whammy of losing our connection with AS and with my baby grandson. Each loss is a different ache.