Maybe I oversimplify in my head, but to me there's good behavior and bad behavior.
Kids off all ages deserve to have good behavior exhibited in their family dynamic.
There are constructive ways to deal with poor behavior in a child, same with an adolescent, but how can a child be expected to deal with poor behavior that a parent exhibits?
I can't get my mind around the current use of the word "abuse"......so for me anyway, it's good or bad behavior.
Steppin',
These are your kids you're writing about, would you accept this behavior from a member of the clergy?, or a teacher?, or a neighbor?
I think just maybe the type of behavior you explain is what folks are talking about when they say "set boundaries"....
Best to you and your kids!