One of the things that really helped my sisters and I was attending Al-ateen meetings. I've taken my middle son, who is 12, a few times as well.
Don't know if you have them in your area, or what they're like, but when i was a kid the leader of our groups was AWESOME and the simple fact that he wasn't my parent or a member of my family really helped me hear him and develope a foundation.
Of course, it took about 25 years later for me to return to that foundation, but at least it was put in place at that time. I learned that A) I wasn't alone and others understood how awful I felt and B) that there was Hope.