skylight
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us.
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the emotional he77 that loving an addict can bring with it. Your post screams how badly you are hurting right now. Unfortunately the best way to get through the pain is to move forward right on through it. But it does take time.
You've spent a great deal of your time and energy trying to "heal" someone else. What we learn here on SR (and through great programs like Alanon or Naranon) is that we just can't control another person's addiction. If love could cure it, none of us would be here because we all love the addicts in our lives so very much.
So what can you do? It sounds a little crazy but......you can begin healing yourself. You've been on a rough road for the time that you have been with your boyfriend and perhaps it's time for you to spend the same amount of energy on someone you can help.....you.
There's a great book called "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It is probably the most recommended book in this forum because it helps us recognize some traits in ourselves that are not healthy for us (or the addicts in our lives).
It's time to take care of you.......
gentle hugs