SkyLight

I have just left my crack addict boyfriend of the last 3 years. The first year, if he used, I had no idea. He had undergone a geographical rehab when I met him, and it wasn't until he moved back to his hometown, across the country, that he fell back into the habit noticably. I found out, while we were apart, that the man I had fallen in love with and been with for the past year had this serious addiction. Trust me... I was FLOORED. Being naive and thinking I could help him conquer the addiction, I moved across the country to be with him instead of leaving him forever. After all, I loved him and still do love him so much.

After I moved in with him, he was fine for a month. Then out of nowhere, he started an argument one night which seemed very irrational to me. He ran away for the first time with me around the next day. When he is not using, he is extremely charming and loveable, but then he will just disappear and not show up again for 24-72 hours. The first few months I would threaten to leave him every time he ran away, but never followed through, as he would be "good" for a couple of weeks and say he wanted to quit. He started going to AA meetings and a counselor. That ended when he ran away during Christmas, while I was out of town, with his sponsor.

The last couple of years are kind of a blur of him running away, showing up again, apologizing for disappointing everyone, saying he hated himself, and then running away again a week or two later. He actually just "let me go" (his own words) and told me I had sacrificed enough of myself for him. I never had the courage to leave him on my own. I thought about it all the time, especially while he was nowhere to be found. Well, less than 2 weeks after I left he's had another woman and her son move in. The boy went to my ex's school (yes, it is sick that he is around children all day everyday) and the woman is this boy's single mother. She is kind of (WAY) trashy and I'm not really sure what the relationship is between the two of them. He says that she's just his roommate, which may be entirely true, because then she would be paying him some kind of rent or at least help with the utilities. I know he would love the extra money. Thing is.. there are only 2 bedrooms and the woman's son has one of them. He told me he has been sleeping on the couch, but I don't know what the truth is. The only reason I even know she moved in with him is because his mother told me. He lied to me and told me that we shouldn't speak for a while because I was having trouble "letting go". Despite his addiction, he is my best friend. I told him that basically ignoring me would be the worst thing he could do to me right now, as I've stopped talking to pretty much all of my friends over the past couple of years. I think that this woman who's moved in with him overheard one of our arguements over the phone and heard me call him a crackhead and begging him to continue on the plan he had when I left town, which was going to rehab. After that, the only time we spoke he made sure to be a TOTAL dick to me (and I do not call anyone names lightly) in front of her. He will not return my calls or texts since. He spoke to my sister earlier this week and told her that he loved me and was ignoring me for my own good, as if he knows what's good for anyone. I wish it didn't bother me that this woman was now in his life, in any capacity, but it SO does. I was still holding onto a belief that he will go to rehab, realize what he had, and come back to win me over. As much as I still want that, I am slowly accepting that it will probably never happen and if it does, it is up to HIM to go get help.

If he is now having some kind of inappropriate relationship with that woman, I'm sure she will realize soon enough that his behavior is irratic and abnormal, especially after hearing me call him a crack addict. If she really is just his roommate, it may take longer for her to catch on, but I think even a roommate would realize eventually that something was amiss. Even though she is trashy (by that I mean she bounces from man to man with her giant fake boobs) and desperate (9 years my senior and unabashedly always trying to get attention from men as long as I've seen her around) I don't think she'd want her son living with a crack addict. This is why I'm glad she heard me call him a crackhead, but I'm pretty sure he probably told her I was crazy or something. I know her son, who is 13-14 years old, from the school and he is a really good kid with problems already because his mother is not such a great mother. As much as I want her to know about my ex's problem, for the sake of her son, I feel like it is probably not my place to try to get in touch with her and let her know. It wouldn't be right in a normal situation for me to go say bad things about my ex to a possible new woman/roommate (hopefully roommate) in his life, but I don't know what the rules are in this FAR from normal situation. I don't know what he's said to her about me, so I'm not even sure she would hear me out.

***Quick side-note question for any users out there (if you've actually read this far.. sorry, I know I'm writing a novel)***
Does Crack use make you really horny and promiscious? While I was with him, he slowly seemed to become completely disinterested in sex after a while. I wasn't sure if this was because he just became bored with me, if he was seeing someone else on the side, or it was just the weekly crack abuse catching up with him. I know it's sick, but it keeps me up wondering if he's getting high and coming back to our old bed to have sex with her. I think he's falling deeper into the addiction now that I'm not there to babysit him anymore. He said he always gets paranoid when he's using and just drives around nonstop or goes to a park. Don't know how much of anything he told me is true though.

He has fought this battle for a long time, but unfortunately I just don't think the consequences are great enough for him to fight hard enough to quit. His mother owns the school he works at and the home he lives in. She is well aware of his problem, but looks the other way if he can keep it from everyone else. Obviously, losing me wasn't enough of a deterrent to make him stop.. in fact, I think he prefers me gone. Now, there's no one to get in the way of him using, or let his friends or family know he is. It's so pathetic, but I wish he would just call me. It;s driving me crazy that he won't talk to me.