I see this as one of the most powerful changes I've been able to make by working the program-seeing and heeding red flags. With confidence. But I can't be sure right now if I'm reading into a situation where there is nothing. My brain is beginning to hurt from it.
I had date #2 with my guy Friday night. There was crazy build up to this, as I was one of 5 expert speakers on a panel discussion hosted by his paper. We both worked hard on it, and also had parallel conversations about our date after, working out the details of spending the night together.
Which we did. He rented a gorgeous room on the 29th floor with giant windows overlooking the city. Very romantic. I know I committed myself to not "inviting him in," but made the decision to sleep with him early last week. I"m glad I did. It worked out wonderfully for both of us.
The paper bought us dinner after the panel. He brought his 23 year old son with him, who clearly has been cued in on our emerging relationship. They were exchanging cute little looks. We went to after parties, engaged in political discussions, listened to the concerns and pleas of our community. More than one person told me they were thrilled to see us together, as I own and editor this communities newspaper, and his paper has been giving mad coverage to our issues.
I can't stress how thrilling it is to have a friendship with someone who does what i do, works in the same industry. I respect his work. A lot.
But there are also red flags. I think.
He appears to be disinterested at times while I'm talking. Or uncomfortable but which is it. He does have a stutter of sorts and some basic awkward social stuff going on, which in contrast to his writing is very cute. I"m usually attracted to bad boy, dangerous types so this is a real switch for me.
Or something.
He's also arrogant in some ways, mainly with regard to work-journalism. Something about him seems dismissive at times. This should be no surprise because he's in his mid 50's and my experience with men this age, from this generation, is that they can be dismissive with or superior to women. Heck, anyone can.
The other thing is that he appeared to be very attentive to who I was talking to at the parties, particularly when I was talking to one guy that flirts with me a great deal. Stands close. He came up and inserted himself between us, which I wouldn't have done. Possessive qualities used to mean he "cared," but today I feel differently.
I don't want to discount what I'm seeing but can't be sure of what it is.
I know it sounds trite. I dont' want to ignore this. Am I over analyzing? Wouldn't be the first time you know.
How do I turn off my brain? I went into this knowing we might just spend one night together and that would be it, was very clear with myself what this is-from my perspective at least. It's not turning out that way
We've talked plenty since yesterday morning when he dropped me off and he's all about the sex and romance and wants to see me again as soon as our schedule allows it, which is understandable. We had a great time. But my brain keeps trying to find something wrong with this. I think I"m suspicious.
There are also miles of wonderful things I like about him, really. He adores, respects and caters to me in many ways.
guess I'll go make a grocery list, clean the kitchen, do the laundry and get ready for the work week tomorrow. Refocus on me.
Anyone have this experience? Over analyzing in a new relationship? It's really cheesing me off.
