Originally Posted by
Lunaaa 
This is very scarey and sad,i'm so sorry for your friend and glad she got through this safe.i cant imagine how could someone cause hurt to another person so bad. i still have doubts about calling him abusive.he slapped me several times on the face it did hurt and i was scared but maybe he didnt mean to,maybe i was hurt because i'm physically weaker being a girl. could it be just out of anger and jelousy that he couldnt control himself? is it for certain he would do it again? will it get worse ?
Originally Posted by
Luanna Wheredoiturn,everything you said is so true. I do believe he loves me despite everything he does (how come he hits me and i feel this way?) or is it what i want to believe? and as if it makes everything alright,makes me feel i can forgive anything he does,i justify to myself every violent act and convince myself its out of love and jelousy .i dont know how i reached such point ,i feel it's sick.
I do believe we do have a connection! and i do believe that he wouldnt have hit me if i behaved in a different way!! i know its all sick but i need your help to stop feeling this way.
Luanna I don't mean to offend you if I do, but it almost sounds like you're looking for someone to tell you its ok for you to go back to this guy. You keep making excuses for his violence and trying to place the blame on yourself. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Have you ever considered Codependents Anonymous. It helps people who have childhood and relationship issues. You can really find out a lot about yourself there. I've always had a low self esteem so my AA sponsor recommended I try it out. I honestly have to say I'm glad I did. I found out why I have such low self esteem, why I'm afraid of change and why I've always had a feeling of inadequacy. My parents got divorced when I was about 8 years old so I spent a lot of my childhood moving around. Even before they separated I did quite a bit of moving. I went to 2 different preschools, kindergarten and 1st I went to Catholic school in Fremont, Ca, 2nd and 3rd at a public in Fremont, Ca, 4th at a public in Hayward, Ca, 5th at a public in Los Gates, Ca, 6th and 7th at public schools in Gilroy. From 8th until 12th I went back to Fremont. Because I did all this moving around I was never able to establish any real roots or make any real friends other than the ones I grew up with in Fremont. This is why I was always so afraid of change. My self esteem issues came from the fact that I've always looked younger than I am and was very short up until my junior year of high school. My freshman year of high school I was about 5ft. tall and looked like I was 12 years old literally. I'm 28 now but people tell me I don't look a day over 21, I can't even grow a full beard or mustache. Looking young doesn't bother me anymore cause I know I'm going to look young when I'm old (pops is 62 but looks like he's in his early 40's). Not having much facial hair doesn't bother me either cuz it just means I don't have to shave as often..lol. The point I'm trying to make is that I felt I didn't measure up until I got into CODA. I learned how to esteem myself without having to make fun of someone else in order to feel better about myself. It sounds petty but what I was recommended to do was to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself nice things. Like "you're a good person", "you are capable of change", "God loves you", "you are a beautiful person", simple little things like that. Initially I thought it was silly, but you know what, it works. Look into a CODA meeting, try it out for a week. It's not going to kill you and like I said you will learn a great deal about yourself. I wish you luck and really hope you don't go back to this guy. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.