Julez
I suggest you keep focusing on taking the steps and learning to live those principles in your life daily.My sponsor says I am to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and others.Taking care of our self in the process.
Now we can do only so much,and if our children will not let us do what we are supposed to do,or want to have it their way,then we can only do a little.I have a son who is in a situation and I feel a lot like what you wrote about.
I did not cause him to do what he does,I cannot control him,and I sure cannot fix him,so I just try to be of service in a good positive way which sometimes is not the most pleasant thing to live thru.
Trying to fix someone makes me sicker.I had a oldtimer tell me once to pray for the knowledge of God`s will for them and the power to carry it out.He told me to pray that prayer everyday.I did and in less than one week I was feeling better and I saw I was really over reacting.I di dget better and now that situation is cleared up.