I've said it before and I'll say it again: the difference in codependence and true help often has more to do with the attitude of the do-er than whatever they are actually doing.
I gave my aexh my old car when his died and he couldn't afford another one, and would have lost his food service job without it. I didn't need the car, I didn't expect anything in return. Today he still works for the same company and has advanced into a professional position that uses his master's degree. I haven't given him another car, it was a one-time thing. I don't think I was enabling him.
And, remember, life is a tough and confusing road, and sometimes it is not obvious what the right thing to do is. I come from a Christian background where the difference between good and evil is presented as a pretty simple thing. And sometimes it is. I recently learned that the Buddhist tradition holds that telling the difference between good and evil is extremely difficult and it takes a lot of time and practice to learn. Okay, I'll go with that, too.
If you can look at yourself straight in the eye and say, "I want this person to succeed and I am all right with any outcome of this situation," and mean it, I think you're doing fine.
