jluebs I admire your strength and courage. I had to giggle about your voice shaking because I so relate and it reminded me of me
Isn't it weird how something that is supposed to be a loving conversation has the feeling of confrontation?
I recently was in the same position as you seem to be in, that is, I felt a sense of duty toward someone very dear to me who had been harming himself with alcohol and crack cocaine for about ten years straight. I could not turn my head. So, I did what I could to "help" him. I HAD to do it and so I did. Why? Because that was what was in my heart to do, those were my values. But I came from a place of strength, not codependency, not sickness, so I was able to build and maintain healthy boundaries and able to conduct my life mostly unaffected. It was a good test for me to see how far I had come and to practice some things. And that sounds like where you might be, that is, in a place of strength even though having to deal with someone who is so obviously sick. So glad.
So how was the meeting? Was it comfortable for you? Hope you are well. Thanks so much for sharing!