(((Steve))) - it sounds like reality is sinking into your head
Hang onto that optimism, keep telling yourself that you DO deserve a life that isn't wrapped around someone lost in addiction, and keep putting that one foot in front of the other.
It does take time to get rid of the old thoughts, but they say changing a habit takes at least 30 days, and it's done easier when you replace the bad habit (obsessing over her) with a good one - I recommend you find things that make YOU happy, that have nothing to do with her, and trust in all of us who have been there.
I'm struggling with a lousy job, broke as he!!, (all consequences of my addiction) but I just KNOW that things are going to get better, and I will be stronger because of what I'm going through. I know this because I've seen it happen, time and time again, throughout my recovery.
The times we struggle may SEEM overwhelming, but if you look at the big picture (you've got the rest of your LIFE ahead of you, and it can be pretty fantastic), this is all just a little speedbump
Hugs and prayers,
Amy