Hi Paula,
Thanks for posting! Congratulations for finding this site and claiming your life back. You sound very alone right now and I can relate big time to that. I want you to know that you are not alone. Alcohol caused me to feel alone since it took control over my life the point where I would isolate myself from the rest of the world so I could drink by myself. Eventually it got so bad I lost myself and didn't even know who I was anymore. All you need is a desire to stop drinking and anything goes. You can do it! Keep posting whenever you feel you need to and keep in touch.
You are very welcome here! Glad to have you here!
Bliss