Hi maimai
I think it's important to remember you obviously had good reasons for placing your mom there and that she's getting good care
I agree with Anna - if the visit is causing you this much distress beforehand, maybe you need to list out the pros and cons of going there, or at least of going tomorrow?
It's ok to put ourselves first sometimes, especially if it means not placing ourselves in a traumatic event.
If nothing else, you can always reschedule when you feel up to the task?
D