growing up
im gonna tell alittle my story,im 35 and am flat ass bottem broke mentally,physacally,$$$,all around the board.the one thing i know is that it can always get better if i dont use.......grew up in good home in memphis,started drinking and smoking pot in highschool,dropped out got ged and thought that was it time to have fun.and have fun i did,started to travel alot going too see greateful dead concerts,dam that was great a place where u could be u ,get high,drink,party,sex,and music,i found a home.did that til 95ish then i was all about another band and set on a journeey too see them as much as possable,the band was called phish and i did that for next few yrs.i was becomming the junkie i came too know so good the last 15 or soo yrs.97 i moved too upstate ny had first kid in 98,got married in 99 things went well for a few yrs.still not a day sober??growing herb ,working full time job, raising fam,bought house,had second kid in 03'and went to prison for a few yrs. also that yr.next came divorce,bankrupty,custody taken how could i fight it i was a lost,sick,scared and soo ashamed of what i had become.got out of prison and came south, real south,alittle southern town south of new orleans,things looked up for awhile i got job did my 3 yrs. on paper.down here is like no where else on earth with the booze ,i started to drink alot,still doing drugs also but booze soo socially accepted,drive thru beer and daquri stands ,i never seen nuttin like that.put me in big city with crack and dope on every corner im good ya know.so was a little cultrue shock to say the least.had 3rd kid in 08'and thanks too god i see him everyday.basically now after losing everything again to my addiction im ready too take responsability and grow the fu-- up,leagally im ok no more ser. trouble,but other than that im a mess and i know it today.each day brings me hope today that their is a way out and by using a sponser,going to na and aa and stayin around positive people i can stay in a place thats alittle bit better today.im not perfect at all and never will be,but im sick and tired of living in shame,guilt,fear,and just knowing im a peice of **** cause of the way im living and what i was representing.today i wanna let god run the show my way sure dont work,which i have finnally came to understand.i get up read medataion books pray and go on with my day ,at night i thank god for being sober another day and for a place to lay my head.which is another whole issuse//just for today,and one day at a time,i can be clean...................guess it wouldnt hurt too learn to spell better lol...