Originally Posted by
Lilly03 
but how do you stop being self obsessed?
Lilly, since you are asking about this concept in a 12 Step context, the BB statement of the problem and the answer goes like
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have lik ed to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
In working the Steps, I learned a few useful things about this. Selfishness, as the word is used here, broadly encompasses that idea of self-absorbed. It's not just the selfish, unthinking of others that I think with my pre-conceived definition of the word selfish. Obsession with self that includes resentment and fear. It includes lack of humility and the delusion that when I walk into a room, my impact has a huge importance.
I could not see the level of selfishness and self-centeredness in my life. I could not see the truth about myself until after getting pretty far along in the Steps (post inventory 4th Step at least.
And that 2nd part. I can't get rid of it by trying to be less self-consumed. Both the awareness of it, and the solution to it, came from taking the Steps for me. And it's just the tip of the iceberg.