Good for you for ratting yourself out so early CL
Go back and read your old threads. Read other peoples too.
That's the reality.
That's what you buy back into every time you drink - an endless loop....the same old same old.
It's easy to go back.
It's much harder to do something different...it's not pleasant by any means...but when you make it, and you start living outside that cycle? It really is SO worth it.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be going somewhere, and not stuck in an alcoholic rut - you deserve a better life - and I reckon your little ones do too.
Don't give in - you have a ton of support here, CL
D